Christian Haide: Representing the Earth’s Anxiety and Confusion

 

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Prior to the release of the official biography of (Subordinate) Editor, @christianhaide3, WCAC are proud to release a brief introduction  to the book from the man himself:

“About me. 
by @Christianhaide3

I am a civil servant collaborating on a permanent project to secure good trade relations between the Earth and extraterrestrial life. The project is funded internationally by a coalition of the world’s 40 or so richest countries. While the project is predominantly focused on developing good trade relations there is inevitably some offshoot into public relations and then, more broadly, into arts and culture. That’s my field. I essentially perform public relations for the Earth. In it’s entirety – or at least that entirety which is beneficial to intergalaxy trade relations. It’s not easy. Think of the sheer diversity of cultural production on this planet. I hear some PR companies can’t manage to represent the diversity of their own populations in cities. Try a planet mate. 

Anyway, one off-shoot of this has been the development of the Intergalaxy Trade Publications Unit (ITPU). This has helped bankroll 17 print publication companies over the last four years – all of which have a predominantly intergalaxy presence. One such publication company was Welcome Chaos as Change. The publication was fundamentally designed as an easy means of communicating the general sense of anxiety and confusion experienced on a daily basis by so many people on Earth. The intention behind such a publication was two-fold: (1) Empathy is an enormously universal quality throughout space. Few intelligent lifeforms that have been encountered had no sense of empathy. By expressing our anxiety and confusion the goal is to encourage positive engagement and assistance – particularly through trade. (2) Those few extraterrestrial lifeforms who had no sense of empathy proved to feed upon the anxiety of the human race. 

Welcome Chaos as Change received enough funding to establish a new virtual micronation designed specifically to develop the publication. This new city, Concrete Halls, was populated with 8 million pod people genetically developed to work within the creative industries. This came with particular headaches – the establishment of economic and political infrastructure etc. I naturally appointed myself Editor and, subsequently, Immortal and Unquestionable Leader of Concrete Halls – you have to keep their media types in line.

The pod people of Concrete Halls are a singular collective of simulated identity and, thus, needed guiding in their future approach. Having recently returned from Toyko, and in a thoughtful mood, I presented a guiding mantra for their lives: “I went to Tokyo and imagined a tshirt I wanted but it didn’t exist. It had a picture of Godzilla on a surfboard with ‘welcome chaos as change’ on it in Japanese. Maybe Godzilla was wearing sunglasses I can’t remember.” With this ethos in mind they began work on the first edition of WCAC. 

All was going well and the magazine was rather blossoming on intergalactic newsstands. It was a time of excess and bounty. However, following a general reconsideration of state cultural spending within the Western world our funding was drastically cut. I was forced to close several departments within the WCAC and limit future expenditures dramatically. This had a dramatic effect within the populace of Concrete Halls. We were forced to deal with mass hunger by providing work permits to the Soylent Corporation. Welfare support systems were significantly cut. Political dissent soon grew, most prominently represented by Arnold Thawtrike, my former Butler.

On the 11th of June 2016 I was removed from office in a coup led by Thawtrike. He appointed himself First Commander of the newly established Republican Logical Conclusion Order of Welcome Chaos as Change (RLCOWCAC). By the 12th I had been deported from Earth to work in the zendoing bar district of ghaaaato to serve a life sentence serving ridiculous drinks. 

The RLCOWCAC introduced swift and severe economic austerity measures. Following these measures, it was decreed that the third edition of WCAC would not go to print but, rather, would be produced electronically and distributed online. As such, work on the current website commenced. In parallel with these new policies a revolutionary editorial board (the RLCOWCAC) was established to reinforce Thawtrike’s political base, represented by my long-term opponents including Konstig Ictus Mabayanyuki and Omi Kerkbuurt.

A day after the establishment of the revolutionary editorial board, the population – stimulated by the realisation that “WE’RE ALL LIVING A LIE” – started mass uprisings against the authoritarian RLCOWCAC regime. However, this was easily crushed by the regime. Further, in response to the uprisings Ictus Mabayanyuki initiated a violent crack-down on dissident activity within WCAC. Following the guidance of his bee overlords, Ictus Mabayanyuki sentenced all dissidents to a life sentence working on the construction of a Great Hive – a precursor for the breeding of a great bee hybrid army designed to enforce the rulings of the RLCOWCAC.

With dissent against the regime significantly reduced the RLCOWCAC reinforced their position through completion of a first draft for the third edition of WCAC. However, this was deemed unacceptably poor by the Concrete Halls population – a consequence, it was felt, of my absence from the creative process. Buoyed by the general population’s dissatisfaction with the quality of the product, moderate members of the RLCOWCAC voted to reintroduce me into the WCAC as a contributor under the RLCOWCAC regime.

However, following the results of the UK Brexit referendum on the 24th June popular dissent once again bubbled to the surface as the population took to the streets to express their disenchantment in the political system. Despite aggressive attempts on the part of the RLCOWCAC to extinguish these protests the RLCOWCAC offices were occupied and several key staff members were held hostage.

Following intricate negotiations between the protestors and Thawtrike it was agreed that I could return from the zendoing bar district of ghaaaatoand under the condition that I recognized the authority of the RLCOWCAC and accepted the new title of Subordinate Editor.
I began work on the second draft of the third edition of WCAC under house arrest on Kalskär Island in Finland. Fortunately, dissent petered and by the fourth edition I had wrestled editorial control back from the RLCOWCAC in all but name. 

Since then I have been increasingly branching out WCAC’s role in Earth’s overall intergalactic public relations practice. I have recently commissioned a new publication – The Empire – a collection of notes, illustrations and maps of an entirely fictional location. I’ve also developed two new WCAC departments to explore a move into music and video. The Department of Intergalactic Musical Products have already signed The Hindenburg Disaster Video to their label.”

Welcome Chaos as Change #4 OUT NOW!

 

wcac.pngAfter months and months of waiting the confused (and currently quite gloomy) mind of Christian Haide is once again translated into a palpable and only slightly incomprehensible form. This edition includes dreams about witches and parenthood, a cancer scare, a photo account of Tivat airport, and much much more!

You can access a PDF copy through this link. BUT please please consider sparing just £3.75 to purchase a physical copy through my Etsy shop here. I make NO PROFIT from this. All money goes into a future publication and keeps me in socks. Thanks! x
PDF here

OR Be a sport and buy a physical copy through my easy shop here.

WELCOME CHAOS AS CHANGE #3 ONLINE NOW

WELCOME CHAOS AS CHANGE #3 ONLINE NOW

What you will find: IT IS ALL SO FUCKING DISGUSTING/ The Philadelphia Experiment/ At East India for a Thing/ 7 Legal Ways to get High in the Woods/ Rod Fisher makes a joke/ The Overthrow of Harcourt Street/ Osmosis/ Magic Mushrooms Help the Brain Deal With Social Rejection/ Fire in Caves/ WHY DON’T WE SEE OUR COLLECTIVE MADNESS?/ “The Human Race will be exterminated by 2049″/ The Religion Centering on John Frum/ grow your own weed

LINK TO PDF HERE

1st Annual WCAC TS Twitter Pornstar Awards

1st Annual WCAC TS Twitter Pornstar Awards

05/ 09/ 16
After months of exhaustive (but fun) research WCAC can finally reveal the shortlist for the TS Twitter Pornstar Awards. The judges have narrowed down their selection to 4 candidates:

(a) Sienna Grace (@TSSienna) 

(b) Sarina Valentina (@SarinaValentina)

(c )Delia DeLions (@DeliaTS)

(d )Kylie Maria @kylieluvsyouuu

Over the coming months our team of quantitative and qualitative researchers will analyze the available data to arrive at an ultimate conclusion as to who will be the official WCAC TS Twitter Pornstar!

So now we need your help! Please vote for your favourite candidate at: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/CRBM89M

Over the next few weeks we will hopefully be able to provide a good fact sheet on the contestants but for now we urge you to do as much research as possible – particularly by checking out their Twitter feeds.

You can also keep up to date by following us on twitter (@christianhaide3). And don’t forget to use the hashtag: #WCACTSSTARS2016

Thanks and have fun!

****

This year WCAC will be hosting their first TS Twitter Pornstar Awards, celebrating the greatest transexual twitterers to be found in cyberspace.

Think you’re in the running? Want to get some well earned recognition?

Then contact Christian or get in touch through twitter (@christianhaide3).

And don’t forget to use the hashtag: #WCACTSSTARS2016

WELCOME CHAOS AS CHANGE #3: OUT SOON

WELCOME CHAOS AS CHANGE #3: OUT SOON

What you will find: IT IS ALL SO FUCKING DISGUSTING/ The Philadelphia Experiment/ At East India for a Thing/ 7 Legal Ways to get High in the Woods/ Rod Fisher makes a joke/ The Overthrow of Harcourt Street/ Osmosis/ Magic Mushrooms Help the Brain Deal With Social Rejection/ Fire in Caves/ WHY DON’T WE SEE OUR COLLECTIVE MADNESS?/ “The Human Race will be exterminated by 2049″/ The Religion Centering on John Frum

FANCY A PAPER COPY?

Contact Christian